Now You're Gone
by Nutmeg49
Summary: Sequel to “If you Break my Heart” Ginny learns to cope with losing Draco. Rated T for references to suicide and sex, and for some language. GinnyDraco...oneshot sequel


**A/N: I had inspiration for this at 4am, it is now 6am. This is the sequel to "If you break my heart" and I don't know how good it is. It has not been beta read, so any mistakes are my own. I am very aware that the memories change perspective. Two are from 3****rd**** person, one is from 1****st****. This is a stupid mistake, I would have to change the entire thing to correct it, and you know what, I would like to get some sleep, so I'm leaving this as it is.**

**Memories are in italics (apart from the last 3 words). Please enjoy, and let me know what you think!!!!! Did I seriously fuck up??? It's my birthday in 3 days, I would really love reviews for presents (is unashamedly begging you to tell me what you think =] )**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the plot, which even in today's world, I probably don't own. I can barely afford an education, so please don't sue me =]**

Why is it that when everything seems to be going right in your life, It can all just blow up in your face? One split second and life as you know it is just gone. Literally; and also metaphorically. I had never intended on hurting Draco until that afternoon, when something; I don't know what exactly...I just finally felt the guilt I should have felt months ago for betraying Harry.

Sure I had felt guilty, but never enough that I would question what I was doing. But that night at dinner, when he looked up at me and smiled, his eyes shining with passion and happiness...my world fell down, and I knew. I knew that I could no longer do this to him. I care too much about him, about what we could have if I give myself to him fully. I couldn't have done that with Draco there.

My decision was made before I had picked up my cutlery to eat, I had to leave Draco. But he wouldn't let me go, not without a fight; that much I was sure of. I had no choice; I had to break his heart. It would hurt me, how could it not. I had given every piece of my heart and soul to this boy, and I had given him the one bit of me that I could never take back; my purity. He had me, I was his, and he knew it. So I had to break his heart; I damned myself for knowing that he cared about me, and using it to my advantage.

So I broke his heart. I watched him break with every word I spoke. I watched his soul crumble, his face contort in pain; and I knew that I was going to Hell. Every fibre of my being screamed out at me, telling me to take it back, to take him in my arms and tell him that I want him. But I didn't; and knowing that I could have taken it back, knowing that I could have saved him, makes me sick to my stomach every moment of every day.

They found him the next morning. Broken at the bottom of the Astronomy Tower. The entire student body was in shock, no one more so than myself, but I had no right to feel that way, so I ignored it, hoping each and every moment that he would come walking in to the hall, with the cheeky wink he used to give me when he knew no one was looking at him. The cold realisation that he would never again smile at me, never again hold me, only came when I was given the note that he had been clutching as he died. It was not a public thing, and I didn't read it; not until I was safe in the confines of my dormitory.

I read his words, and I cried.

I cried for what I had done, what I had lost; I cried for Draco, for the pain I had caused him, and for my eternally damned soul. I couldn't live with this, I had caused his death. My own stupid selfish ways, had caused the death of the man who had shown me that not everything was black and white; the man who I had unwillingly fallen in love with.

The man who until now, I had not realised I cared for so deeply. I was in love with Draco Malfoy, and now he was gone.

I had no one to blame but myself. But I could not tell anyone this; who would believe me...who would forgive me?

I knew only one thing; that I could never forgive myself.

-~-~-

Merely weeks after his death, I was just existing without purpose. The shock had worn off most students, since the memorial at least. I attended the memorial, and I stayed in the shadows. I did not deserve to be there, but I had to. Some unknown thing compelled me to watch while the people closest to him spoke about him. All of them lied, they spoke of the Draco they wanted to know, the Draco they had never seen, I knew he was there, but they didn't.

He was not sincere, kind, loving, or generous. He was cold, brutal, and jealous. He had a darker side to him; he had never shown me that side though. He once told me that he was himself around me, that he couldn't be that way with anyone else. I was honoured at the time. Weeks after his death, as I sat reminiscing about that night, I found myself laughing almost maniacally at the memory.

_Draco sat on the couch as she walked into the room, reclining, the usual smirk gracing his features._

"_You decided to show up then, surprising." He said, opening one eye and looking up at her lazily._

"_Oh ha-ha, very funny, you know I have trouble getting away sometimes, Harry can be so persistent at times, he almost cries whenever I leave"_

"_Dump him then?" he had replied, opening both his eyes and placing his hands together as though he was begging. She waved him off, and then grabbed the cushion and hit him with it when he pouted._

_The pillow fight that had ensued was both exhilarating and exhausting at the same time. They had run around the room, both holding oversized feather pillows that had appeared once she had thought she would like a pillow, hitting each other, occasionally shouting and screaming, and eventually collapsing on the bed; both breathing heavily and covered in feathers from when his had exploded._

"_You know...most girls would kill to see me like this"_

"_What, covered in feathers and sweat?" she said, giggling as she picked a feather off the end of his nose._

"_No, being the way I just was. Having fun. You have no idea how hard it is to...pretend. This facade isn't exactly easy you know. Ice prince of Slytherin..." he had said, rolling onto his side and staring down at her._

"_Well, you should do it more often then...I don't get why you don't. People would love you if they knew you the way I do"_

"_But I'm not that person Ginny. I am a horrible person. You're just different. I never thought I could be with someone this way, you really bring out a side of me that I don't understand" he said softly, his eyes shining slightly. Since they had started coming here several weeks ago now, they hadn't done anything but kiss. She could feel the tension now though, and she knew something else was going to happen._

_He leaned down and cupped her face, rubbing her cheek with his thumb, and then so softly that she would have thought she had imagined it had her eyes not been open, he kissed her. Hesitantly at first, and then he reached down again and kissed her with more urgency than she had every felt._

_She had given herself to him that night, and it had been the most perfect night of her life. She had fallen in love with him that night; she had just never admitted it to herself._

As the memory gradually faded to nothing, and my vision had blurred, I was disrupted by the sound of the portrait door opening and closing. I stayed rooted to my seat, staring silently at the fire. I had been up there alone for hours, skipping dinner again. The most difficult conversation I had ever had with Harry was about to take place. If I had known it, I would have left before he could talk.

"_Gin?" It was Harry, just as I had expected. He was hesitant, as if he thought I would turn on him. I didn't reply._

"_Ginny, we're worried about you" A light pressure as he sat beside me._

"_You're like an empty shell, and we can't understand why" A light pressure on my arm told me he had just placed his hand there._

_I stayed silent, watching the dancing flames._

"_Please talk to me Ginny"_

_Managing to snap out of my reverie, I turned my head slowly to look at him._

"_I'm fine Harry, why would I not be" _

_I'm a horrible person._

"_No Gin, you aren't fine! You've been moping around for weeks now, and we can't stand it anymore. Ron is considering writing to your mother, Hermione is going out of her mind with worry, and me..."_

"_You're what?"_

"_I'm scared I'm losing you." He said, his voice filled with so much sadness that I should have felt bad for avoiding him, should have felt bad that I was making him feel this way. But all I felt was a surprising numbness._

It's funny how you really don't realise what you have until it's gone. The old Muggle saying my dad had taught me as a child seemed ironic now. I had discovered that this was true by losing the one person I loved. I had lost that person because I thought I could love Harry. Now I knew that wasn't true. I had given up Draco for absolutely nothing.

Harry had gathered me in his arms, and it took a minute to realise that it was probably because my eyes had filled with tears again. He probably thought that I was upset because I was hurting him. I would have laughed out loud if I could've remembered how to laugh at anything but my memories. He had then shifted suddenly, and the next thing I felt was his cold lips on mine. His kisses weren't bad. They had never been bad, but suddenly, the lack of heat that I had felt every time Draco had so much as grazed my lips with his own; I wanted that heat. I needed that fire.

With every ounce of strength I had, I pushed Harry from me; he landed awkwardly on the floor as I fled the common room, a small sob escaping as I made it through the portrait hole. And I ran. I didn't know where I was going, as I ran through the empty halls; most of the students would still be eating, Harry had come to find me when he knew it would be quiet.

As I grew tired, I slowed down to a walk, still not paying attention to where I was going. Stopping suddenly, I realised that I had ended up outside the Astronomy Tower. Pain swept through me, filling my lungs so I couldn't breathe, making every muscle in my body yearn for oxygen. Taking a deep breath, ignoring the shudder that rippled through my body as I held back tears, I took a small step forward onto the stairwell of the tower.

Steeling my nerves, I walked forward, step by step, until the cool air hit my face, and I was standing at the final place Draco had been before he had given up his life. I walked over to the thick concrete that bordered the tower, closing my eyes; I let the feelings wash over me, all of the hurt and pain, all of the anger and sadness. A great rush of emotion hit me, and I collapsed sobbing, holding onto the railing as though my life and sanity depended on it. I felt like I had cried enough for a thousand lifetimes, but my body disagreed. So I cried.

Not five minutes later, I heard footsteps coming up the stairwell, but I didn't care who it was by that point. The soft voice of Hermione surprised me though, I had expected a teacher.

"Oh Ginny" she said simply, settling herself beside me and pulling me into her warm embrace. As a fresh wave of tears came, she rocked me slowly, humming a song I didn't recognise. Eventually, my tears dried, and I wiped my eyes and looked up to her.

"I'm sorry Hermione"

"Don't be. I may not know the full story, but I can guess. You loved him?" she said softly, her tone not judgemental, showing me she was truly here for me.

"Yes. I did." I replied softer than she had spoken to me.

"You know you need to tell Harry, right?"

I sighed and nodded, I knew I needed to tell him. The problem was how. He would never accept this, and I wasn't so sure my mind could cope right now. My breakdown had shown me I wasn't as accepting of this as I thought I was.

"I don't know how though. How can I break his heart like that? I did that once and look what it cost me"

She looked as though she was thinking. She looked at me and smiled sadly,

"How did it happen with you and Malfoy?"

"I don't know...honestly I don't. It was the first night me and Harry fought, I ran out of the common room, and somehow ended up collapsed outside the Room of Requirement. He was there too. He needed to talk, I needed to talk. We became friends. Then we became lovers. I can't explain it, it just happened"

She looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding her head.

"I don't know what to tell you Ginny. I love you, but I love Harry as well. I need you to tell him, I won't do it, but I'll be there for you when you do. I think you need to be alone to heal, you've lost someone, now you need time to move on..."

Her words were right, but she didn't seem to understand. I couldn't move on; not when I was the reason he died.

I stood slowly, without giving her an answer, and she followed suit, brushing her uniform down before holding out her hand.

"Ready for this then?"

"As ready as I'll ever be" I replied, my voice shaking as we began the walk back to Gryffindor Tower, where I would break Harry's heart. Repeating my actions from only weeks previously. Only this time, I wouldn't be letting go of the person I love.

-~-~-

Several more weeks passed without Harry in my life. He refused to talk to me after learning of my betrayal, I didn't blame him though. Ron was still my brother, but he found it awkward I know, but he knew I understood that he couldn't leave Harry.

Hermione had been my saviour. She had since learned the whole story, and with her help, I was slowly learning to smile at the memories I had with Draco. The long talks, the tears, the laughter, and the love. It hurt badly, but as I remembered, it got easier, until I no longer struggled to fight back tears when I thought of him.

For the first time in months I was laughing.

Months later, I stood on the edge of the lake, the wind blowing my hair around my face, arms stretched out into nothingness, a small smile on my face. I had come out here as part of my final attempt to say goodbye to Draco.

Memories of us together flashed through my head. The night we had first met being most prominent in my mind.

_She collapsed on the floor next to a blank patch of wall, not caring if she was caught out of bed past curfew. She could deal with detention, as long as they didn't make her face Harry again tonight. It had been their first argument, and it had been horrible. He hadn't meant it, she knew he hadn't; but the things he said...they were still horrible. _

_Approaching footsteps interrupted her thoughts, and praying that it wasn't Filch; she kept her head in her hands and let her sobs continue. The footsteps grew closer and then stopped. Then two hands were under her arms, and the person was pulling her onto her feet, and pushing her through the door that had appeared on the previously blank wall. She was then deposited on a soft sofa, and she allowed herself to look up at the person who had thrown themselves down on the loveseat that was beside the sofa._

_She had been initially shocked and tempted to run away, or even attack him; but she noticed the dark circles under his eyes, and his dishevelled appearance. He had clearly not slept for days, and was not taking care of himself._

"_What the fuck are you staring at Weaselette" he drawled without glancing at her once._

"_Quite obviously you. That was a stupid question. Why have you brought me in here?" she asked him, almost laughing out loud._

_He simply shrugged, and then the silence fell again. He had not spoken to her again, she would sometimes catch him looking at her, and she would smile slightly, gaining a glare in return. Eventually, she fell asleep, waking the next morning to find that he was gone already._

_As she had moved, she had noticed a small bit of parchment sitting in her shoes, which were discarded on the floor. The note had read three simple words. `Same time tomorrow'._

She smiled lightly as she remembered that night. They had gradually begun to talk, she had taken comfort in him, and even though she didn't fight with Harry after that, somehow she felt compelled to go to him every night. It had all progressed from there.

She chuckled at the thought that people could call it a tragic romance, it had not been romantic. Somewhere along the line they had fallen in love, but neither had admitted it. She knew he loved her. He had never found out that she loved him too.

Digging her hand into the pocket of her robes, she pulled out the crumpled piece of parchment she had been given all those months ago, containing his last words to her. She smiled as she re-read them, knowing that although she would always love him; she was ready to move on. Forgiveness would never be an option, but she was ready to accept it all. She held her hand out in front of her, and when a gust of wind blew past, she released the note, and watched it fly for a few seconds, before it came to rest on the surface of the lake. Seconds later, it sank out of her sight, and she closed her eyes, picturing his face in her mind and she smiled and whispered, knowing that he could hear her.

"_I love you"_


End file.
